REVIEW: Odor of Pears - "Crown of Thorns"

By Rat Bastard

Chain Border

Odor of PearsI have always despised pears, and still do. Whenever faced with the prospect of eating a fruit cup, I always avoid them. Simply put, pears suck. They have an unpleasant texture, and an even more unpleasant taste. I have, however, on at least one occasion, sampled pear wine, and found it to be rather tasty. I guess this means that there can always be exceptions to any given rule.

"But wait, Mr. Bastard," you may say, "aren't you supposed to be giving me the lowdown on a BAND called Odor of Pears and their new album, rather than rambling on and on about the fruit that said band takes its name from?"

To those who might pose such a query to me, I have this to say: You are far better off taking the 12-15 bucks that you might have blown on Crown of Thorns, the new album from the California-based Odor of Pears, and spending it on a bottle of pear wine to suck down at home while listening to music from an actual band. Alternatively, you could also buy a sack of pears and spend the day trying to inhale them. Either of these would prove to be more pleasurable and rewarding than prolonged aural exposure to this album.

Of course, you may find yourself wanting to listen to music which ranges from utterly dull to somewhat competent (Babies Without Faces is actually fairly well melodically crafted) and lyrics which are invariably horrid. Songs like Dildo and Fuck Christianity exist to make one yearn for the articulate, subtle, and profound stylings of Marilyn Manson (at this point, I'm going to cue the Mansoneer chorus of "Yeah! Totally… er… waitaminit… is that sarcasm?"). Then again, you may find yourself wanting to smoke copious amounts of crack, too. As far as I can tell, the music critics who have allegedly compared OOP to Siouxsie & the Banshees obviously had to have taken more than a few blasts from the glass dick before being able to present that opinion.

While I am unclear as to exactly what pears are supposed to smell like, I can say this with a high degree of certainty: These pears are obviously rotten, and the odor reeks.

Buy The Album
Buy Crown of Thorns

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