The Mean Little Column: "The Mean Little Year in Review"

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Mean Little Man2001 is done and done. Thank god. Is it just me or was this year damned long?

I'll tell you though. Someone call Kubrick because the real 2001 was a real cliff-hanger, unlike the snore-fest of a movie he made in '69. Nice music. Cool effects. No tri-breasted space nymphos, killer cyborgs or other cool stuff.

To recap: The Internet tanked, the economy tanked, Robert Downey tanked, Britney Spears tank-topped, Bush has to be getting tanked, Chadra Leevey went missing, Harry Potter once a pedophile euphemism for unshaven tots came to the silver screen, Lord of the Rings wasn't a total geekfest causing a geek uproar and Mary-Kate and Ashley inch ever forward to 18, that lovely age of consent.

Oh yeah. Did I forget to mention? We had no monoliths. But, someone slammed a bunch of planes into our buildings, some assholes decided to mail Anthrax all over the place and we've been bombing Afghanistan for four months now. The French have yet to surrender.

Music pretty much sucked. Groups like Staind, Sum 41, and Jim Eats World found their way from obscurity to MTV, the 'M' now standing for Menstrual and not Music. Why? Because it has become so little about music, and so much about selling products and lifestyle to the American female teenagers, the largest consumer group in the world. MTV does make Warhol's 15minutes seem a little generous though, able to bring a group from popular to poser in less time than it take the fat kid down the street to run down the ice cream man every Wednesday afternoon in August.

If we ever do catch Osama Bin Ladin, can Condit have a moment alone to kiss the Bearded Menace's Ass? Thanks to Osama a bloated News Industry stopped looking everywhere from Condit's basement to Santa Fe tortillas for any imprint of Chandra's image.

Shall I begin talkin partisan politics? Clinton? No planes crashing into buildings. Bush? Planes crashing into buildings.

And every single Republican that isn't convinced that the U.S.S.R. isn't planning a sleeper sneak attack and calls for a large American military can kiss my ass. I keep hearing the Democrats are soft on the military. Well Bush inherited Clinton's post-cut military, and with it we are currently doing what countless world powers have been unable to do throughout history. Kick Afghanistan's rubbled ass.

Here's a little note. Afghanistan is in Asia. Way way way in Asia. It has nothing to do with the Middle East. The only connection is a religion. And the sects are way different. It would be like hating Presbyterians from Connecticut because you hate Catholics from Mexico. The economy is tanking nicely. Bit by bit it keeps getting worse. It will turn around I'm sure. But what do you expect when our president has yet to head something that didn't go bankrupt?

The worst part about the tanking Internet economy is all the old fuckers that kept saying the Internet was a fad now seem like geniuses. They were geniuses. Not because of any prognostication. But because they got away with the buy-outs and junk bonds. Bought baseball teams with them. Set up cable networks. Over-inflated their stocks a la Enron.

Oh yeah. In 2001 the Mean Little Man spent his last year in his 20's. So all of you on my list, and you know who you are, can now grab your Chapstick and kiss my 30-year old ass.

Hugs and smooches,
The Mean Little Man

For music, yelling, spiked hair and strange dress, visit The Mean Little Man at his official shrine on the web!

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