She watched the lug-worm casts squidging between her toes in between the coming waves. The tide would be fully in just another few minutes from now, and the sandbank was rapidly disappearing under rising inches of turbulent water. She looked back towards the little pile of man-made debris that had no right to be on the beach. At this time of night the sea, the beach the wind belonged to nature alone, even here she didn't belong. She had taken off her socks and shoes and folded her cardigan neatly on top of them. It was good, feeling the late summer evening chill. She felt that the moon, big and swollen above her was lighting her way to success. Egging her on. Being a protective watcher, a guardian.
The light breeze played amongst the goose pimples on her arms, taunting them to greater peaks. And the stronger wind behind it blew her hair out in scented ripples.
Should she? Could she do it?
All her life she had felt the cold shoulder of rejection, nobody had ever really loved her. She felt so inadequate, if not a failure then certainly not a success. Always on the outside of everybody else's life, never a part of it, or of them.
How hard could it be? Go on, do it. It's easy.
She had to do it now. Never again would she be at this place, at this time, and so psyched to go for it. It had to be now. No going back. Do it.
The last wave had brought the water to mid calf. The water itself moving forward, ever forward, seemed to be urging her on. Do it, do it, do it.
But what if
Too late for that, the time for what ifs had passed. This was something, regardless of the outcome, that she needed to do for herself. She couldn't live with regret, couldn't cope with any more what ifsc
It would take courage. She'd never been one to have courage, or confidence or self-esteem.
It wouldn't take long, once she'd taken the plunge it would all be over very quickly maybe!
And after it was done, well afterwards, she would at least know that just once, once in her life she had taken action. She had found the courage to do something more difficult than almost anything she had ever done.
She took a deep breath, aware for the first time of how precious breath was. How good it felt to breathe, to smell the sea. Her friend the sea.
Do it now.
She leaned over and kissed him.
The moon smiled, they were happy, and it was done.