Stoned Intellect

By Marcus Pan

Chain Border

I got a spam tonight. Oh, yeah, like that's anything new, but because I'm bingeing on Budweiser it suddenly got me thinking.

[gulp] Mmmm...beer.

The gist of the spam was college degrees. It stated, "Eminent, non-accredited universities will award you a degree for only $300."

[gulp] Mmm...beer.

Now do people really fall for those? I mean, if somebody walked into my lab with a degree from Dipsy Doo Daa U! saying ANYTHING, looking for a job, I'd have no choice but to double over in an outrageous fit of laughter. Wouldn't you? Then how the hell do these "non-accredited universities" stay in business selling these things? Here's more:

"Degree granted based on your present knowledge and experience. No further effort necessary on your part."

[gulp] Mmmmm...beer.

Has education degenerated to SUCH an extent that a Dipsy Doo Daa U! degree is cool? That it works, and frankly all you have to do is say, "Well, I built a computer once," and then get one of them and expect to walk in my lab or another computer lab somewhere and go, "Well I got a Dipsy Doo Daa Degree!" Has it really? That's fucking sad.

[gulp] Mmmmm...beer.

Think about it. You don't need to learn...if you know the lingo, you can BUY an MBA. It even says that PhD's are available. "Hi, My name is Pan and I know the clock speed of a Cyrix M2 PR-266 CPU. I also know C minus and some Coffee Script. A bit of SQueLch Dube-D [?] here and there and I can even write a BASIC program that prints my name on the screen. Can I have a PhD in Computer Engineering?"

[gulp] Mmmm....beer.

And suddenly, after that conversation, you have a PhD in Computer Engineering and can even tell your grandchildren about the time you spent in the frat house of Dipsy Doo Daa U!'s Kuppa Doobie Duh fraternity.

[gulp] Mmmm...beer.

No wonder intellect is dropping like a stone.

Originally posted in alt.gothic.

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