I'm a Popular Loser

By Marcus Pan

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Evening. It's a little late and most of you have noticed I usually don't post at this time, but first off I was hoping to be one of the first to say Happy Halloween to everyone because it is now. :) Also let me say that because it's late, also because I've been a little depressed and mopey and am beginning to come out of it I think therefore leading to sudden bursts of intuitive grandeur (which fade quickly so I'm typing in train-of-thought format, please bear) and lastly because I've been drinking a bit (not enough to be wacky or anything, just enough to be mellow and a little more comfortable and uninhibited than usual); this may ramble a bit. I do have a point though. Which is why I thought of the subject of this post first so I don't lapse and forget the point. :)

Now we'll move on to a story. Well, two stories actually. Two separate happenings from two different forms of media...some might say two different worlds. One from the Net, a world of text and bits, bytes and all those happy little on off switches(1) that go running around inside that white-noise spewing beige(2) box somewhere near your keyboard.

Story number one...the Internet. I got an e-mail recently. It was from a lurker here in the newsgroup. Of course I'm not going to share it, but they did say something I balked at. They told me I was popular. I found this strange...popular? So I thought about it a bit and, at the risk of sounding egotistical, I suppose I am. Through combined efforts of time spent in the newsgroup, things I've tried to put together and help with and all sorts of other things I suppose you could say I was popular if not for the sheer reason that I show up a lot. I suppose. [shrug] I did balk at it though...but ok. For the sake of argument, and keep reading before you condemn me for pretension, let's say I'm popular here in alt.gothic and other net-places that you may find those like us. Ok. I'm popular.

Story number two...the Real World. I had another bachelor party to attend tonight. For the sake of the story, we'll say the bachelor's name was, uh...we'll use Tim. Ok, Tim. Tim's a little on the frat-boy side. Typically doesn't get along well with me except for a few notable incidents that I sometimes cling to in order to keep myself from accidentally snapping his neck. Tim's an ok guy I guess...just not the usual person I'd surround myself with. I went to Tim's bachelor party because he is marrying my fiancé's best friend. Off I go.

Now, it's a bachelor party. I wasted a lot of singles to get the dancing girls to leave me alone. Before you ask, no I didn't touch any boobies. I pecked them on the hand like I always do and sent them on their way. They were confused. Good. Back to the story.

Now, Tim's friends. Tim's friends are also a little on the fratty side and a bit bigoted. As a matter of fact, just about everyone there was of this caliber...and I didn't know any of them at all. My nails were done fresh because I have a wedding to attend tomorrow. Needless to say I was shunned. To tell you the truth, I felt like a loser. Really. A shunned, gangrene-ridden, botulistic loser in a crowd of people. Ignored except for a couple of them there who I hang out with fairly regularly (I am thankful for that, believe me). But really...I was a LOSER. Now we come to the point...

Maybe I am popular in alt.gothic. Maybe a lot of us regulars are. And maybe some of the lurkers tend to be stifled by this...especially by writing e-mail to us. But you know what? If we're popular HERE...chances are we're losers somewhere ELSE. Whether it be like in my case as in a different media/world, or in some other caliber. The popular are always losers somewhere else...

The POINT is, and yes I promised you all I'd eventually get to this, is that this simple fact makes us just like YOU. Just like the lurkers who are afraid to speak sometimes. We're JUST LIKE YOU. I'm a loser too. Don't be afraid to write me. And don't be afraid to post. I just read a delurk by Markus Dheus to a thread I started earlier today that just kicked ass. So say something or I'm going to turn on the flood lights and chase away the shadows.

I'm a popular loser. We're ALL losers somewhere...now say hi.

(1) I don't know about you, but it still boggles me that everything on my screen, your screen, other screens and between your and my screens is comprised of just two choices...on or off. One or zero. Boggling I tell 'ya.

(2) I tried spray painting one black once, but the damn schmeckleheads powder coated it. The paint just oozed off like warm shit on glass. Iew. Bad visual.

Originally posted in alt.gothic.

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