Horrorscopes

by Auntie PanPan

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Leo
You need to take that gorgeous babe out to dinner…trust me…it will be more than worth it.

Virgo
Okay, you are handling the family drama well. I am surprised that you haven't smacked your parents with a shovel yet, but I digress… Just grin and remember the key word: INHERITANCE.

Libra
God do you need to get laid. Don't be shy about that cute person that smells good at the bookstore…at least say howdy.

Scorpio
You have been in a rather playful mood of late - make sure you wash your sex toys first before you play.

Sagittarius
You need to eat more…real food…not that mamby pamby crap that you call food…something with sustenance. Eat the cow burger.

Capricorn
Teasing will get you everything in life. Now if we can just get your energy harnessed in realizing you are living with an idiot…

Aquarius
Egad, moving again? Is there no end? You know, there is someone in your life that is just waiting for you…maybe you haven't even met them yet. But they are the mate to your soul.

Pisces
You like having your feet firmly planted on the ground…actually beach side, in truth. You need to get away for a weekend at least to stop listening to everyone at work.

Aries
A change of scenery will do you good for your future. Just remember that you wanted this assignment.

Taurus
Stop drinking so much. If you are doing other types of drugs, stop that too.

Gemini
Do something special for yourself, get something waxed…like your ex. I hear the screams will be delightful.

The Moonchild
Stop worrying so much. Keep this up and you will be dead from overdoses of panic and fear.

Legends Online