Department

The Mean Little Column—“Welcome Back O&A”

By The Mean Little Man

The Mean Little ManIts been over two years without afternoon drive fun. An ingloriously long time to deal with disgusting Rawk Bwocks, the latest Nickleback tune, or some other bland boring talk show rehashing the same tired old themes. Blech. Puke. Belch and fart.

When Buddy Ebson died, I put my ear to the radio for a miracle, a ‘whoooo doggy.’ But nothing came.

When the Olsen twins were on the verge of turning 18, all I could do was imagine Anthony perched beneath their windows with a stopwatch, crowbar and a box o’ Ramses, humming Ant’s In My Pants.

I laughed when Stern got booted from more markets than Olestra and had to fight back a whispy tear of bittersweet nostalgia every time I heard the words, “Be Dialing People.” Tyson just isn’t as fun without you.

So last week I sat there in great anticipation. My XM in one hand, my bawx wine in the other. For weeks I had sat pins and needles staring at this little miracle of modern invention waiting to hear O&A. From Space.

I just like telling people I get my music (ominous pause) from space.

I can’t tell you how nice it is to hear Jim Norton again. Meaty moobs and all. Welcome back sir. Its nicer now that you’re out from under the thumb of the FCC (Fucking Cunts and Christians or Fingered Cunts and Cocksuckers) and we can all hear your uncensored lecherous self-deprecating autobiographical tomes of fun and giggles. It’s nice to know I’m not the only disgusting awful human on the planet. Once again turning tragedy into comedy.

It was so good to hear you back, I would have done the wiffle ball bat challenge. Over the Summer when Stern started getting the heat from the FCC I tuned into the hack’s show for the first time in 6 years.

2 Weeks later? Turn it off. Turn it off. TURN IT OFFFF. Very soon his days of finger-banging Mary Jane Rotten Crotch through her pearly pink panties are over.

Tell you what, if you need a new Foosball table? It’s yours, compliments of the Mean Little Man. Need a new lesbian couch? Done. Seriously. No hitches. Just let me know where to drop them off. No plugs required. If the opportunity arises I’d like to say thanks for the shits and givizzles over a few cold ones and video games. Just want you to know you have friends here at MeanLittleMan.com.

Fuck Spaz. Fuck Al Dukes. Francine will be missed. AFRO lives forever in our hearts. And, yes Precious, your title of funniest NEW radio host lives on. I love the smell of spewed enema in the morning. Smells like victory.

Jeezus. This was touching. The softer side of the pointy headed freak. Makes me have to go clean the palate by spanking it to the love scene in The Accused.

P.S. Next time you see Lewis Black, tell him from me that communism is dead and that Bush is doing a great job for the country.

Hugs and Smooches,
The Mean Little Man on 10-19-04

For music, yelling, spiked hair and strange dress, visit The Mean Little Man at his official shrine on the web! (www.meanlittleman.com)