Fiction

Smug Little Bitch

By Marcus Pan

You smug little bitch. I was precisely 2:43 minutes late. Not even three, and yet you’re giving me that fucking attitude again. Oh you’ve got to go, with that snippy little smile and the little curls by the sides of your lips. Those slightly badgered teeth staring at me like some kind of fucking pearl in an oyster and I’m thinking to myself how much I hate you. How much I hate those fucking pearl teeth when you turn them up at me like I’m some kind of schmoe.

I’m no schmoe you smug little bitch. I’m not sure what it will take until you realize that, but I’m no fucking schmoe. Nobody’s schmoe. If I have to pluck those fucking badgers of yours I’ll learn ‘ya I ain’t no schmoe. Just sign me into the fucking warehouse you smug, nasty little piece of shit. All you do is write your fucking little notes and answer the fucking phone and you act like you can give me shit? I’ll smack those badger pearls out of your goddamn mouth with that fucking tire iron I had to fuck around with in order to get my ass to this lousy fucking place with its dusty fucking boxes and constant fucking noise and all the wah wah wah of the sorting belts and fuck I hate you. I hate you so hard.

That’s right. Be your nitty gritty precise little self you fucking badger pearl bitch. No it’s not three minutes in your goddamn book. It’s 2:forty-fucking-three. You gonna be so damn anal about this shit at least go all the goddamn way and record what’s really happening you smug little bitch. I don’t have time to play these fucking games with you its goddamn three – oh I’m sorry three oh fucking 5 – in the morning and I have a goddamn truck or two to fucking empty so just let me sign the fucking paper and get on with it. You fucking bitch. Give me the goddamn pen.

Yeah that’s right I noted the real fucking time. You’ll never drag anything out of me you can’t badger. Never happen. I’m no fucking schmoe. There’s that fucking wah wah wah again, goddamn it. Yeah, I know. I’m fucking going get off my back man. I’m going Joe yeah I’m going. I was delayed by your badger fucking pearl-toothed smug little bitch.

Asshole.

I gotta learn that fucking smug little bitch. I’m gonna teach ‘ya. I’m gonna teach ‘ya good. Gonna wear those badger pearls around my neck some fucking day.

You smug little bitch.