CD Review

Bathtub Shitter – “Dance Hall Grind”

By Marcus Pan

Dance Hall GrindThis is, by far, the stupidest, dumbest, most idiotic example of teenage expressionism yet. First off, it’s not even real. It’s a faked out attempt to mimic D.R.I. and Descendants-like thrash by pedantic 12 year olds. The music playing is amateurish and doesn’t even attempt to utilize talent. Vocals are growled attempts at English, which don’t sound even vaguely corresponding to the lyrics listed on the jacket. The lyrics themselves are a horrible copulation of bad translation and teenage “look I can say bad words because I’m cool like that” bastardization.

The really sad part is these jokes have released numerous albums prior to Dance Hall Grind. Either they are too stupid to notice, or nobody’s yet told them that they do, indeed, suck. Knowing a few constant power chords, beating on your bass’s lowest string only and swinging ones arms about while sitting behind a drum kit is not musicianship. They’ve played Germany once – and who the hell let them out of the basement I don’t know.

I am listening to Dance Hall Grind and it’s just horrible. So horrible in fact that I’m writing this review less than 24 hours after receiving the CD in order to get it the hell off of my desk and into a circular filing mechanism as quickly as possible. I could have written this review based purely on the lyrical content itself – the Japanese gaming companies have nothing on these guys. They also have a scatological addiction, as many songs here talk about taking dumps in various places – as is their band name.

I had mentioned in my review of La Mamoynia[1] that if you are going to sing/write music in another language, learn it. Not a few key pop-culture phrases as Bathtub Shitter have done. Otherwise, people like me are going to tell you how goddamn stupid you are. Here’s some examples of all our poop belongs to us for your enjoyment.

“We were Bathtub Shitter! Everything was to every shitting!” (PS From BS)
“When I’m child, couldn’t crawl without nappy.” (Everybody Has the Wet)
“I am not rotten diarist … say hello from toilet every morning.” (Re-Shit)
“Make a wind from a break of my pants. It always push this board from my ass.” (Skate of Bulgaria)
“There was like my life on brown shining or shitting.” (The End of the Rainbow)

There’s absolutely no reason, at all and ever, for Bathtub Shitter to continue. Ever. Just shut the hell up. You have no clue what you’re saying, and the vocals alternate between sounding like a Chihuahua getting its nuts stepped on and an elephant being ass fisted with Mt. Everest. I hate to be the one to break it to you kids, but what you’re doing isn’t even vaguely cool. It’s a school boy’s rip off of a scene that you have absolutely no clue about and would be hard pressed to understand. Stop making albums based on bad words (“ooo I’m so trendy!”), bad musicianship (“I can play the C chord!”) and fake malarkey (“They look cool, we’ll do that!”). I’d tell you this is shit, but that would be redundant.

Contact Information:
(S)Hit Jam Records
Post: 6-A Up-City, 2-1-23, Daikotu, Osaka, 556-0014, Japan
[1] Review in Legends No. 155.