Department

Horrorscopes

By Auntie PanPan

LEO
Don't get too discouraged. We all know that you can be whiney when you dont get your own way. It's all good. Have some pet slave feed you some chocolate and all will be well...relaxxxx.

VIRGO
Always have a nasty habit under your sleeve, eh? Or should I say you always have a nasty sleeve under your habit? You got everyone fooled that you are as pure as the driven snow...maybe New York snow.

LIBRA
I want it all and I want it all now! Rushing around can be good sometimes, but then you lose oversight of all the other stuff that you could be missing. Perfection is good sometimes.

SCORPIOS
Oh yeah, wind up those action figures and get out the cheeze whip, you are in a foxy mood! I weep for whoever gets cornered in a dark alley of a bedroom when your in the mood.

SAGITTARIUS
You really need a vacation. I don't know why you haven't taken one yet, it's not like you don’t have secret piles of money lurkin’ about that others don't know about...did I say too much?

CAPRICORN
You know...if you are going to promise to be somewhere and then bail one time...that's okay. I can respect and understand that. But when everyone you know doesn't even expect you to show up to your own wedding party or your own birthday...chances are sweetie you have officially hit the "I am a flake" status with all your friends. And how can anyone depend on someone like that.

AQUARIUS
I used to bash on Aquarians a lot. Now, I think that the water signs have passed whatever test they needed to cross after Gemini and are finding their own spark. Aquarians are hypnotized by Geminis...who knows why. Find your own voice.

PISCES
Toe sucking is definitely in your future. Don't fight it. Just let them stick your feet in some jelly and let them lick it off. Trust me. It could be fun! Except if you have shag carpet or fuzzy pets...then you have linty feet. Best to clean your feet afterwards.

ARIES
Right now you are dealing with some serious family issues. You have to decide what is right for not just you, but everyone around you. And that is a big decision for a little Ram to make. You are so used to just always being able to duck and weave. Not this time, sweetie.

TAURUS
You know the saying: "Old habits die hard?" Every Taurus I know has some sort of a crutch. I don't know why...I think it has something to do with having to carry so much of a heavy load for everyone else. Therapy is good. Try it.

GEMINI
You know my favorite Gemini saying? "Eat with two plates because you can be so two faced." It's nothing bad, it's just in your nature. Don't worry about it. You think you betrayed a friend. But realize that you thought you were protecting them. It will all work out in the big picture babe.

CANCERIANS
I have learned that those under the sign of the crab are the moodiest critters on the face of the planet! I will say however, that this is the sign that gives the best hugs out of all of the zodiac hands down! When a Cancerian gives their loyalty, feel honored. They don't give themselves lightly. They are going through a sense of heartbreak right now. give them time to heal.