Revolting Cocks Cocked and Loaded
By Dan Century
My first draft of this review included over
500 words detailing the history of the Revolting Cocks. Then I imagined someone
having to read all that crap and thinking, "what is this, a fucking Wikipedia
article?" so I edited it down to these easy to swallow bullet points:
1. The Revolting Cocks, a.k.a. RevCo, are a Ministry
side-project helmed by Al Jourgensen.
2. Luc Van Acker, Chris Connelly, Paul Barker, Bill Rieflin,
and Ogre are no longer Revolting Cocks. (Perhaps they are now Delightful
Vulvas.) Stevie Banch, Jello Biafra, Gibby Hanes, Rick Nielsen, Robin Zander
and Billy Gibbons are new Revolting Cocks.
3. RevCo have released plenty of great singles, but never a
great album. If you thought their albums were great, you were without a doubt
under the influence of drugs or alcohol when you formed that opinion.
4. In the past RevCo has covered Do Ya Think I'm Sexy
(Rod Stewart) and Physical (Olivia Newton John). On Cocked and
Loaded, they cover Dark Entries (Bauhaus) and Purple Haze
5. Cocked and Loaded is their first album in 13
6. RevCo has shed all but a few sonic vestiges of their EBM
past. They are now a metal band, featuring six guitarists, and they sound like
The first track on Cocked and Loaded is
Revcolution Medley, a twisted cover of Jimi Hendrix's Purple
Haze. Gibby sings "purple head" and "fuck the sky" instead of "purple haze"
and "kiss the sky". The song, like the name of the band, is one big cock
The cavalcade of bathroom humor continues with Prune
Tang, Phildo Owens' tribute to GILFs, a.k.a. "Grandmother's I'd Like to
Fuck." Pole Grinder, Jack In the Crack, Devil Cock, Viagra Culture and
Revolting Cock Au Lait, are all wacky songs about penises, continuing
the main theme of the album. Revolting Cock Au Lait is an extended
reprise of Revcolution Medley, featuring moments from Pink Floyd, Led
Zepplin, Deep Purple and Queen - ironic, since Lard - another Ministry and
Jello Biafra project - previously recorded the song called 70's Rock Must
Die. If you like crazy ten-minute guitar jams, then you'll love this track.
Ten Million Ways to Die might be the strangest track
on the album. It isn't specifically about sex, and most of the song doesn't
sound like Ministry; it sounds like a Dr. Dre song: sinewy guitars, funky horns
and record scratching, with Gibby Hanes pitch-shifted spoken words floating on
top like cheese on onion soup. Caliente is a cover of the Bauhaus song
Dark Entries. Jello said, in his podcast, that the Latin American studio
engineers misunderstood the name of the song and labeled it Caliente.
The two best tracks on the album - the two tracks you might
want to listen to once you're tired of the dick jokes - are Fire Engine
and Dead End Streets. Fire Engine is an energy-packed surf-guitar
driven rocker, deep-fried with Al Jourgensen's special mix of spices that makes
every song sound kinda like Ministry. In other words, it's like surfing on
crystal meth. Iggy Pop and Al Jourgensen co-wrote Fire Engine, if you
believe the liner notes, but I'm pretty sure a 4 year old might have written
the lyrics: "fire engine fast, fire engine slow, fire engine take me where I
want to go". That said, no one is buying a RevCo album for exceptional lyrical
content - you buy it because you like Ministry or you like the cock shock
humor. Dead End Streets is the song all the guitar fans want to hear
because it features solos from Rick Nielsen (Cheap Trick) and Billy Gibbons (ZZ
Top), as well as Jourgensen's trademark slide guitar thrash. The best aspect of
the song is Jello Biafra's vocals - he didn't write the lyrics! It's actually
refreshing to hear Jello sing a non-agitprop song.
Cocked and Loaded is by far the most consistent and
listenable Revolting Cocks album to date - by default, it's probably the best
RevCo album as well. You'll buy it because 1) it sounds like Ministry, 2)
you're curious to hear Rick Nielsen and Billy Gibbons, and 3) the dick jokes
make you laugh. You'll continue to listen to it because 1) it sounds like
Ministry, and 2) songs like Fire Engine and Dead End Streets are
actually great rock songs. There's no vinyl version of the album, but Jello
said on his podcast that he's trying to get it released through Alternative
13th Planet Records
Click to Buy!