Werewolves on Wheels
By Dan Century
Before there were Snakes on a
Plane, there were Werewolves on Wheels!
Dig this: a gnarly gang of bikers and their horny biker
mommas are cruising across the Desert Southwest, kicking shit, flashing tits
and raising hell. Helen, one of the biker mommas, asks Tarot, the
gangs spiritual leader, to read her Tarot cards. Her fate: to be struck
dead by lighting in a tower. Not long after, the gang arrives at the grounds of
a monastery, with a tower that looks exactly like the tower foretold by the
Tarot cards. A gang of monks descends from the tower and offers the bikers wine
One thing leads to another and Helen is doing a topless
snake dance for the monks, who as luck would have it, are satanic monks.
Bikers, tits and Satanists! What is this, a movie, or backstage at a Monster
Magnet concert? The bikers, drugged by the satanic monk wine, wake from their
stupor, kick some monk ass, and rescue Helen (what a buzz kill! I was
hoping the topless snake dance would last for the rest of the movie). The monks
beaten unconscious (obviously they were not Shaolin Kung Fu monks) and Helen
rescued, the bikers ride for the desert and make camp. Bikers like to fuck and
biker mommas like to get laid, so Mouse and Shirley scurry off into the brush
to bump some uglies, but the kind of ugly they bump into isnt
human genitalia its a werewolf that precedes to slaughter their
asses. And thats only the beginning of the gory, satanic, Lycanthropic
insanity (I dont want to spoil the ending for you).
If it werent for the tits, blood, cat murder and
Satanism, Werewolves on Wheels would be perfect fodder for Mystery
Science Theater 3000 its too silly to take seriously, but
its certainly entertaining enough to enjoy at a party with a room full of
friends. (If you took the werewolves out of the movie and just make the
characters go psycho, it would have been a much creepier and even believable
Werewolves on Wheels was co-written and directed by
Michel Levesque, who was the art director for some of Russ Meyers wackier
films: Up!, Supervixens, and my favorite Beyond the Valley of the
Ultravixens, and you can definitely see similarities between
Werewolves and Supervixes and Beyond (mostly tits, motor
vehicles, and the Desert Southwest). The bikers and their rides look very
authentic, the soundtrack is very good considering thats its a low
budget film and the desert scenes are gorgeous. The weakest part of the film is
unfortunately the werewolf makeup and transformations.
If youre a biker film or Russ Meyer fanatic, then you
might as well rent Werewolves on Wheels. If youre looking for a
crazy film to watch with a room full of wacky maniacs, a keg of beer and a
couple loaves of satanic monk bread (or pizza pizza works too), you
should get this wacky film.
Dark Sky Films
Post: MPI Media Group, 16101 S 108th Ave., Orland Park, IL, 60467,
Click to Buy!