CD Review

The Barbarellatones - “Invasion of the Surf Zombies!”

By Marcus Pan

A bunch of the tracks here on Invasion of the Surf Zombies! also appeared on Coldsore, reviewed elsewhere in this issue. By this time I’m downright bored with the group, as their music is stil standard 4/4 boring surf goth with overtones of monster movies, B-cult flicks and stupid lyrics penned by kids with absolutely no ability to be imaginative. Really, I’m just tired of it.

And why put out an album that includes tracks from your previous release? So what if there are nineteen tracks on this album. I Had Sex With a C.H.U.D., Jaws!, Tranni Troglodyte and probably others that barely piqued my interest and I thereafter immediately forgot were included on Coldsore that I reviewed only weeks ago. Blah man, really.

It opens with Monster Surf Party, yet another zombie surf dance track with about as much imagination as another Hollywood Marvel comic movie[1]. The Return of Mothra was about as necessary of the Hollywood remake of Godzilla and Zombie Drag Queen is just more monster-beastiality sceneage.

Night of the Surfing Dead is just a Beach Blanket Bingo bunch of poop with script speak and the same old guitar rock over top. KFDQ (Surf Mix) gets interesting with well played guitars in a do-wop solo situation, but then the lyrics just goes into fucking drag queens and eating chicken. It’s the same damn thing every time – they’ll talk about miniskirts, screwing monsters, etc. – maybe if someone finally got around to giving them all blowjobs they can quit obsessing and move onto something worth penning. “I drank so much beer I gotta take a piss” is lyrical and funny only when you’ve discovered beer at 13 years old.

As much as I enjoy the sillyness occasionally of surf-goth, gothabilly and the like, at least try to fucking interest me. At this point I’m bored and every time I listen to this I can feel mature brain cells regress and my nuts start to undrop. Prepubescent fun is ok, but not after 35 songs’ worth. Grow the fuck up already, really, and come up with a new guitar chord and a new lick or two. Then maybe I might stop ranting at you.

Contact Information:
The Barbarellatones
Post: 1645 AA Street, Lahaina, HI, 96761
E-Mail: trashedublanc@hotmail.com
Web: www.barbarellatones.com

[1] I just watched Elektra last night and ho’boy did that suck ass.

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