Ranticles: “I'm Seated Next to Mammon…”

By Canticle

CanticleOutbound sales is the devil. Due to recent changes at work, my managers desk is now situated in the midst of an outbound sales department (until my new computer and desk are ready).

I am more convinced than ever that in the world of call centers, unsolicited outbound sales truly is the malformed, malevolent, twisted brother to the relatively geeky but maligned inbound tech. To work outbound sales, you truly must have given up either all hope, or your soul, sometimes a twisted combination of both. The false enthusiasm for work, the oozing, honey coated words, I feel as if I've been teleported into the midst of a pyramid scheme seminar.

The managers I have to deal with are even worse. They are proud of their ability to manipulate people into buying things they don't need, want or can’t afford. Listening to them is like listening in to the private and intimate conversation of the devil's lieutenants, plotting and scheming to snare unsuspecting souls in foul and devious ways.

If there were a moral caste system to call center work, outbound sales would truly be the untouchables. I never really had sympathy for people working outbound sales before, because it's a job based entirely around hassling people at home. It's one thing if you're on some kind of waiting list (I was deleriously happy, for example, when I was called at home and told by my local telco that MTS TV was now available at my address, a waiting list I'd been on since it had been created). But unsolicited calls? Never really had sympathy, and now working amidst them, I do believe I'm silently cheering on the people they call, hoping they come up with new and devious way not only to not buy what they are selling, but to make them miss their targets.

Canticle on 2/13/2006.