Rants & Essays

Realization

By Marcus Pan

RealizationFirst...I read some really REALLY old things I wrote back when I was in high school. 13, 14 maybe years old. I had been writing pretty much all my life, this or that, though I originally began a career in computers (following some attempts at entrepreneur, construction, accounting, etc. but for intents of this conversation we'll just stick with just computers). Engineering, you know, the sort of stuff I did for years that you all know about in the Quantex lab.

But I read this old stuff and in more than a few places I had written how I wanted to really be a writer. Sure I loved computers - a lot us here do most likely - but I wanted to be a writer. One of those pipe dream kind of things, yes?

Second...So I was at this party tonight. Familial type of thing, though mostly filled with people that work with my cousin, who's house it was at. So I'm there and I'm talking to a girl in the garage - the designated smoker's room - and the usual small-talk conversation came up...

That alone is unusual considering a) I'm not into parties but I thought I'd try it and b) I don't talk. Typically ever. I'm rather uncomfortable around normal-people type parties so I tend to sit in corners. But anyway...

It was just her and I for a time in the garage, puffing our cancer sticks and doing the small talk thing and the "So what do you do?" question came up. I didn't even really think about it actually - didn't have to. I didn't say computers. I didn't say engineer. I said the first thing that popped into my head. "I'm a writer." I have to stress the point that I didn't think about it. It's just looking at what I've been doing over the past couple of years or more and I just said what it is I typically do. It was a natural, unprocessed response.

Of course the obvious followed, the what do you write thing, and of course I gave her the list; technical writing, editing Legends, fiction, blah blah sort of thing. Mentioned the book I'm editing that I hope to have out early next year, the Legends compilation thingee. Blah blah.

But the answer came naturally. I really am a writer, aren't I? I mean seriously, I have some consultant contracts coming in little by little for manuals, technical writing, etc. I really am a writer.

Wow. I'm not quite sure, and maybe I'm wrong, but I guess I somehow grabbed that pipe.

Originally posted in alt.gothic on December 16, 2001.