V/A Underground Metal Compilation Vol.
By Marcus Pan
Terribly unimpressive and a chore to listen to, AcidVictim
Records' Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1 scrapes the bottom of the
black metal barrel to come up with filler and cutting room floor tidbits for
the sake of putting together this CD. Most of the work here is talentless,
boorish, unimaginative and recorded through headphones. Median age is around
fourteen (I'm guessing).
Beatmaster Trash - Torture
handles this track. It says he plays all instruments. All instruments, as far
as I can tell, is synth-based keyboards. So, unless that guitar that sounds
like a fake riffed synth player is actually a guitar made to sound fake (which
would be stupid), he plays one instrument and they all have keys. It opened
with a bit of promise, but then promptly got uninteresting and started sounding
like Misercordia. Unimaginative and boring, a sad attempt at a guy trying to
sound like a guitarist when he's not. The electronic fart rhythm is the only
highlight, and only because of the comedy.
Harvyst - Winter
A fine example of "let's
play fast so nobody notices we know three chords." Then they yell at each other
a bit, growl some and pretend they're musicians for the rest of it. Harvyst is
made up of Aaron Klamer (vocals, bass), Collin Schipper (guitar, vocals), Randy
Ferguson (percussion) and Ian Pool (keys, vocals).
Choronzon - Offering
from P. Emerson Williams. Starts bubbly and experimental but flows about as
well as a turd in mollasses. More growling. More fast guitar. Then more
experimental windyness with annoying twiddly guitars. Recorded with a Playskool
tape machine borne on the back of a Tonka dumptruck during Shitstorm
Illtempter - Slave of Structure
of Structure has more structure than the others here. It's slower, loping
and is really really mad at us because some asshole keeps yelling at me while
his nerdy little friend stands behind him and says things to rowl up the
situation even more. Like being in one of those bar brawls where you know it's
about to happen seconds before the first annoying swing heads your way. Really
kicks in the nuisance when it tries to skip around like some kind of tart. Like
watching Roadhouse being performed by the American Ballet Theatre.
Amnesty - Bullets
Amnesty, with Steve
(vocals), Richard (guitar), Paul (bass) and Jamie (drums) is the first track
here that makes me wonder if they were fed lots of X and then talked into
giving the Underground Metal Compilation a song. They're probably really
pissed right now. The best here.
Bury the Pariah - 2 Sides, a Story, and a Subversive
Rory Heikkila of Bury the Pariah is actually a great guitar
player with lots of talent and the ability to handle his instrument with style
and grace. Kyle Heikkila can't sing for shit. He's not even a good screamer.
Together they ruin what started as a decent guitar-twiddling track of
Wolfgard - Baersaerker
Oh please tell me
this isn't a remake of the Clerks song...oh good it's not. It's probably
one of the better tracks here, but that's not saying all that much. Kind of
boring, another group that tries to play fast without playing all that well. It
slows down and starts to puke in your general direction. Says the vocals are by
"Heavy." He obviously had too heavy of a lunch before recording because he
keeps yacking chunks on the floor. Guitar is by Lord Mitsch - I'm wondering if
this is a typo as the 'K' and 'M' are relatively close on a keyboard.
General Bastard - General Bastard Boogie
General Bastard plays all instruments. General Bastard borrowed Choronzon's
recording equipment to play this vaguely cutesy romp. If this is real guitar
being played, not bad. If it's not you're just lame.
Cygnus Loop - Birthing Spectra
Visaeon, guitar by Optimus Crime, bass by Io, drums by Andrew Sledd, synths by
Thurisaz, talent by nobody. More fast playing and growled schmutz that I'd much
rather do without. And Optimus Crime, holy crap how lame. Really. Not only did
you name yourself after a TRANSFORMER, you named yourself after the lead GOOD
Transformer! You're about as cool as a hairy sunburned ass on the equator in
July. Everyone knows Megatron will kick your ass. He's a GUN for crissake!
Dummo - Moleman
Well...actually better than most here. Brian can sing ok, has a Maiden style to
it. Justin and Matt actually have an idea of how their guitars work and how to
play something other than C, F and B-flat chords. But recorded through a
Stuntman - Give Me Them Young
message to Stuntman: BLARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OOOOOOOOGA!
ICKY YUCKY POOPOOO BLAH-SUCKYYYYYYYY!
Deadhole - Necro Scum
Didn't I review
these guys? I think I did. Please see that also. I'd place this track in the
top half of Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1.
Sewn Shut - Spite
Sewn Shut. Please
Bloodmachine - Die Critic Die
all instruments. At this point I need to make a mention that a law must be
passed that limits the ability of one-man-bands to purchase instrumental
secrets from other talent-powered states. Anyone caught passing along
information, like the proper make-up of a chord, to small regimes like
Bloodmachine should be tried for treason against the musical community. The
name of the track gives you a good indication at what people before me have
said about Bloodmachine's work.
Shroud of Despondency - The Hidden Agenda of
The best track on the album because now the Underground
Metal Compilation Vol. 1 CD is over.
Post: 782 S. Grand Hwy., Clermont, FL, 34711, USA