CD Review

V/A – “Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1”

By Marcus Pan

Terribly unimpressive and a chore to listen to, AcidVictim Records' Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1 scrapes the bottom of the black metal barrel to come up with filler and cutting room floor tidbits for the sake of putting together this CD. Most of the work here is talentless, boorish, unimaginative and recorded through headphones. Median age is around fourteen (I'm guessing).

Beatmaster Trash - Torture
Josh Smith handles this track. It says he plays all instruments. All instruments, as far as I can tell, is synth-based keyboards. So, unless that guitar that sounds like a fake riffed synth player is actually a guitar made to sound fake (which would be stupid), he plays one instrument and they all have keys. It opened with a bit of promise, but then promptly got uninteresting and started sounding like Misercordia. Unimaginative and boring, a sad attempt at a guy trying to sound like a guitarist when he's not. The electronic fart rhythm is the only highlight, and only because of the comedy.

Harvyst - Winter
A fine example of "let's play fast so nobody notices we know three chords." Then they yell at each other a bit, growl some and pretend they're musicians for the rest of it. Harvyst is made up of Aaron Klamer (vocals, bass), Collin Schipper (guitar, vocals), Randy Ferguson (percussion) and Ian Pool (keys, vocals).

Choronzon - Offering
Another one-man-band from P. Emerson Williams. Starts bubbly and experimental but flows about as well as a turd in mollasses. More growling. More fast guitar. Then more experimental windyness with annoying twiddly guitars. Recorded with a Playskool tape machine borne on the back of a Tonka dumptruck during Shitstorm Stupid.

Illtempter - Slave of Structure
Slave of Structure has more structure than the others here. It's slower, loping and is really really mad at us because some asshole keeps yelling at me while his nerdy little friend stands behind him and says things to rowl up the situation even more. Like being in one of those bar brawls where you know it's about to happen seconds before the first annoying swing heads your way. Really kicks in the nuisance when it tries to skip around like some kind of tart. Like watching Roadhouse being performed by the American Ballet Theatre.

Amnesty - Bullets
Amnesty, with Steve (vocals), Richard (guitar), Paul (bass) and Jamie (drums) is the first track here that makes me wonder if they were fed lots of X and then talked into giving the Underground Metal Compilation a song. They're probably really pissed right now. The best here.

Bury the Pariah - 2 Sides, a Story, and a Subversive Scheme
Rory Heikkila of Bury the Pariah is actually a great guitar player with lots of talent and the ability to handle his instrument with style and grace. Kyle Heikkila can't sing for shit. He's not even a good screamer. Together they ruin what started as a decent guitar-twiddling track of talent.

Wolfgard - Baersaerker
Oh please tell me this isn't a remake of the Clerks song...oh good it's not. It's probably one of the better tracks here, but that's not saying all that much. Kind of boring, another group that tries to play fast without playing all that well. It slows down and starts to puke in your general direction. Says the vocals are by "Heavy." He obviously had too heavy of a lunch before recording because he keeps yacking chunks on the floor. Guitar is by Lord Mitsch - I'm wondering if this is a typo as the 'K' and 'M' are relatively close on a keyboard.

General Bastard - General Bastard Boogie
General Bastard plays all instruments. General Bastard borrowed Choronzon's recording equipment to play this vaguely cutesy romp. If this is real guitar being played, not bad. If it's not you're just lame.

Cygnus Loop - Birthing Spectra
Vocals by Visaeon, guitar by Optimus Crime, bass by Io, drums by Andrew Sledd, synths by Thurisaz, talent by nobody. More fast playing and growled schmutz that I'd much rather do without. And Optimus Crime, holy crap how lame. Really. Not only did you name yourself after a TRANSFORMER, you named yourself after the lead GOOD Transformer! You're about as cool as a hairy sunburned ass on the equator in July. Everyone knows Megatron will kick your ass. He's a GUN for crissake!

Dummo - Moleman
Dummo. Yes. Well...actually better than most here. Brian can sing ok, has a Maiden style to it. Justin and Matt actually have an idea of how their guitars work and how to play something other than C, F and B-flat chords. But recorded through a felched butt.

Stuntman - Give Me Them Young
A private message to Stuntman: BLARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OOOOOOOOGA! ICKY YUCKY POOPOOO BLAH-SUCKYYYYYYYY! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPIDDDDDDDDDDD!

Deadhole - Necro Scum
Didn't I review these guys? I think I did. Please see that also. I'd place this track in the top half of Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1.

Sewn Shut - Spite
Sewn Shut. Please do.

Bloodmachine - Die Critic Die
Chuk plays all instruments. At this point I need to make a mention that a law must be passed that limits the ability of one-man-bands to purchase instrumental secrets from other talent-powered states. Anyone caught passing along information, like the proper make-up of a chord, to small regimes like Bloodmachine should be tried for treason against the musical community. The name of the track gives you a good indication at what people before me have said about Bloodmachine's work.

Shroud of Despondency - The Hidden Agenda of Actions
The best track on the album because now the Underground Metal Compilation Vol. 1 CD is over.

Contact Information:
Acid Victims Records
Post: 782 S. Grand Hwy., Clermont, FL, 34711, USA
E-Mail: acidvictimrecords@hotmail.com
Web: www.freewebs.com/acidvictim