Warning: Read This and We Own Your Soul
By Ron White
By focusing on the text below this label, you agree to read
this under the terms specified by Legends in accordance with the First
Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. All companies and products specified herein
are fictitious, except those that aren't. No plants or animals were mistreated
during the production of this column. Do not remove under penalty of law.
Sometime in the lives of most PC users - when they're
really, really bored, and there's nothing more interesting to do than back up a
gigabyte drive with floppy disks - they will actually read those technolegal
warnings that come with each software package.
If you've ever been that bored, you'll have noticed the
warning says the mere act of opening a paper envelope means you'll never let
your brother-in-law borrow the program - even for a couple hours. At the same
time, the warning also has some wording that goes something like: "Big Old
Gigantic Universal Software, Inc. (BOGUS Inc.) makes no representations or
warranties about this product and disclaims any warranties, expressed or
otherwise, or advertisements, or what the guy in the computer store told you
about the fitness of this software for any particular purpose." Sorry,
All this is couched in mumbo jumbo so stultifying that
you'll never read another disclaimer again.