Just What I Was Looking For

By Robert Brault

I was thumbing through the Yellow Pages, trying unsuccessfully to find someone to replace a cracked lens in my eyeglasses. No luck. "Darn phone book," I said to my wife. "Town this size and you can't find one optimist."

"You don't want an optimist," Joan said. "You want an optician - unless you're thinking of getting rose-colored glasses."

I flipped a page and located "opticians," sandwiched between "ophthalmologists" and "optometrists." Without my glasses, I had to squint just to make out the headings. Leave it to the phone company not to print eyeglass listings in extra-large type.

"Are you sure I want an optician?" I asked Joan. "What about an optometrist or an ophta…ophmatologist?"

"Ophthalmologist," Joan corrected. "No, you want an optician."

She sounded confident, so I dialed an optician. "How long to replace a cracked lens?" I inquired.

"One hour," a voice answered. "Maybe less - I'm an optimist."