Booze & Drugs

Smoking Etiquette [The Unchecked Version]

By Gregg

1) The person who rolls the joint (no matter who's weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and get the first hit.

2) If someone rolls a nice joint it's good to give the person a compliment on his rolling skills.

3) If someone starts bogarting the bowl and starts using the excuse that it's okay for him to bogart it since it's his weed, this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the weed and how much he put in. If it was real crappy and he was real cheap with it, then you bug on the person and rag on him.

4) If someone is too palsy to light the bowl (due to being too stoned or the person is just a retard) then they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. This does not mean the person who lights gets free hits. This privilege tends to get abused ("Hey, lemme light it for you…").

5) If someone is so much of a palsy that they blow into the bowl and blow all the shit on the floor this person must be ragged on and the person can't smoke on the next round (unless it was his stuff).

6) If you smoke with someone in your house you should let them eat some munchy food you may have lying around. Don't be cheap with your food if you have food.

7) If someone who's smoked asks for a sip of your soda you must give him some (drymouth is not fun).

8) Converse of (7). If you ask for a sip don't take a large gulp.

9) If smoking from a bong or a joint, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet. It's disgusting and it messes up the joint.

10) If you're smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for a whole other hit you should save the smoke in the chamber for the next person (don't let go of the rush hole or carb and take it all yourself).

11) Never bogart.

12) Never bitch about someone else's weed being no good! If you don't like it, don't smoke it!

13) If a friend gets you high, sometime in the future you need to get that friend high.

14) Thou shalt not turn down a smoke. Never!

15) Phrased in the form of a narrative. My buddy and I are sitting around smoking the weed that I just scored. After flaming up and taking a few moderate puffs, I pass it on. The sounds that follow can only be described as vacuum-like. After a couple of huge, lung-busting tokes the guy passes back the remnants of something that could have, at some point, been a joint. If it's not completely "canoed," then it's absolutely soaked. I not-so-subtly drop that old Cheech & Chong line, "Hey man, can I wring it out for you?" He just looks at me.

16) I have noticed the following: After smoking up, the odd "crass-monkey" will actually eat the stained, disgusting roach. This must be because they want that "extra bit" of oil, resin, or whatever's left on the paper. This situation can be compared to the patron of a good restaurant picking up his "as good as empty" plate and licking off the remaining morsels of food. Sure he got that little pool of gravy, but was it really worth it?

17) If you buy weed from a friend or a friend of a friend it is polite to roll a joint (a small one, if you wish) and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.

18) It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its possible cashed-ness. A proper warning would be, "Here 'ya go. I think it might be cashed."

19) The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn't matter who's bowl it is.

20) Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high. I know it sounds silly, but I know people who never say thanks and it gets a little annoying.

21) The person who brought the bud picks the music.

22) When using a bong don't slobber all over it.

23) Again, when using a bong don't blow out the ashes unless that's what the "homeowner" does.

24) Never go to someone's house expecting them to catch you a buzz. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule.

25) If you spill the bong, clean it up! And don't forget to put water back in it!!

26) When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it it's common courtesy here to put the roach in a bowl and finish it that way. That way the people who don't mind burning their fingers don't get it all.

Among everyone I know who used to smoke the stuff there was a tradition of roller's privilege. Whoever rolled the joint got to light it and take the first puff. Then it just got passed on. Great fun when several were started at once and someone passed it the opposite direction to the others after lighting it.

Around here, if the group is smoking out of a bowl (e.g. pipe or bong) the packer of the bowl (and usually the owner of the bag) gives it to the next person to spark up. However, if someone rolls a joint (again, usually the owner of the bag), that person gets to spark it up. I guess because it takes more effort to roll a joint and they "deserve" to light up the masterpiece.

I always thought that if you were buying from a friend of a friend it was polite for them to roll a joint and smoke it with you before you buy, kind of like a sample.