Humor

You're Probably a Redneck If...

By Anonymous

You come home from the garabge dump with more than you went with.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave 'em in the shade.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute."

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "Hey!" or "How y'all doin?" (If they respond with the same…they're a redneck too!)

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've been too drunk to fish.

You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You've ever used a weed eater indoors.

You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet "Ms. Right."

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

The richest relative invites you over his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six pack.

You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemity Sam mud flaps.