You and Your Stars
AQUARIUS (01/20 to 02/18): You have an inventive mind
and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand,
you are careless and impractical, causing you to repeat the same mistakes.
Everyone things you're a fucking jerk.
PISCES (02/19 to 03/20): You have a vivid imagination
and often think you are being followed by the CIA or the FBI. You have minor
influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You
lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals
and pick their noses a lot.
ARIES (03/21 to 04/19): You are the pioneer type and
hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of
advice. In short, you are a prick.
TAURUS (04/20 to 05/20): You are practical and
persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think
you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.
[Tauruses are also known to do wonderful and meaningful things...i.e.
GEMINI (05/21 to 06/21): You are a quick and
intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. However, you
are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap
CANCER (06/22 to 07/22): You are sympathetic and
understanding towards other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You
are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare, and
will never be worth shit.
LEO (07/23 to 08/22): You consider yourself a born
leader. Others thing you are punchy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and
can not tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are
thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
VIRGO (08/23 to 09/22): You are the logical type and
hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers
LIBRA (09/23 to 10/23): You are the artistic type and
have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are
whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (10/24 to 11/21): You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of
your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpios are
SAGITTARIUS (11/22 to 12/21): You are optimistic and
enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no
talent. The vast majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh
at you because you are always getting fucked.
CAPRICORN (12/22 to 01/19): You are conservative and
afraid of taking risks. This means you are basically chickenshit. There has
never been a Capricorn of any importance whatsoever. You should kill