Humor

You and Your Stars

By Anonymous

AQUARIUS (01/20 to 02/18): You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are careless and impractical, causing you to repeat the same mistakes. Everyone things you're a fucking jerk.

PISCES (02/19 to 03/20): You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or the FBI. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.

ARIES (03/21 to 04/19): You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. In short, you are a prick.

TAURUS (04/20 to 05/20): You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist. [Tauruses are also known to do wonderful and meaningful things...i.e. LEGENDS --PAN--]

GEMINI (05/21 to 06/21): You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

CANCER (06/22 to 07/22): You are sympathetic and understanding towards other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare, and will never be worth shit.

LEO (07/23 to 08/22): You consider yourself a born leader. Others thing you are punchy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and can not tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.

VIRGO (08/23 to 09/22): You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (09/23 to 10/23): You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (10/24 to 11/21): You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 to 12/21): You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The vast majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People laugh at you because you are always getting fucked.

CAPRICORN (12/22 to 01/19): You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. This means you are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance whatsoever. You should kill yourself.