Humor

Performance Evaluation

By Jeff Franzmann

Under the Freedom of Information Act and the Federal Privacy Act of 1974, I understand that my work performance is being evaluated. I have the right to examine and copy all documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences and the right to request amendment to and/or modification of any document. Section 102 Part 7.1.

NAME: ____________________________________
DATE OF REVIEW:_______________________________

KNOWLEDGE:
1. ___ The son of a bitch really knows his shit.
2. ___ Knows just enough to be dangerous.
3. ___ National spokesman for “Lobotomies Are Us.”
4. ___ Fucker’s brain dead. Wood has a higher I.Q.

ACCURACY:
1. ___ Does excellent work when not masturbating.
2. ___ Acceptable: Passed math the fourth time.
3. ___ Takes off his shoes to count higher than ten.
4. ___ Can’t count his balls and get the same number twice.

ATTITUDE:
1. ___ Very cooperative. Kisses ass frequently.
2. ___ Brown-noser in poor standing.
3. ___ Often pisses off co-workers; thinks it’s his job.
4. ___ Don’t give a shit; never did, never will.

RELIABILITY:
1. ___ Dependable little cocksucker.
2. ___ Can rely on him at evaluation time.
3. ___ Can rely on him to be the first one out the door.
4. ___ Totally fucking worthless.

APPEARANCE:
1. ___ Extremely neat. Even combs pubic hair.
2. ___ Looks great at evaluation time.
3. ___ Dirty, smelly, ugly son of a bitch.
4. ___ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.

PERFORMANCE:
1. ___ Goes like a son of a bitch if money’s involved.
2. ___ Does okay around evaluation time.
3. ___ Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes.
4. ___ Couldn’t do less work if he were in a coma.

LEADERSHIP:
1. ___ Carries a chain-saw to get good results.
2. ___ Occasionally told to get fucked.
3. ___ Mother Theresa tells him to get fucked.
4. ___ Couldn’t lead a pack of wolves to meat.