By Dave Barry
Monday morning. Bad traffic. Lets turn on the radio,
see if we can get some good tunes, crank it up. Yeah. Maybe we
just reached the end of 14 classic hits in a
row. Well be right back, after we
send Bill Doberman to Congress. Because Bill
Doberman agrees with us. Bill Dobermanits a name we can trust. Bill
Dobermanits a name we can remember. Bill
just heard 19 uninterrupted classic hits. And
now for this
traffic backup caused by the
EVIL that DWELLETH amongst them, and it DID
CAUSETH their eyeballs to ooze a greenish substance, but they DID not fear, for
Bill Doberman. Hell work for you.
Hell fight for you. If people are rude to you, Bill
enjoyed those 54 classic hits in a row. Now
lets pause for
NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! BUD LOOTER CHEVROLET,
ISUZU, FORD, RENAULT, JEEP, CHRYSLER, TOYOTA, STUDEBAKER, HONDA WANTS TO GIVE
YOU, FOR NO GOOD REASON
insects that DID swarm down upon them and DID
eateth their children, but they WERE NOT afraid, for they trustedeth in
listening audience. Hello?
This is Steve. Go ahead.
Am I on?
Yes. Go ahead.
Is this Steve?
This is Bill Doberman, and I say convicted rapists
have no business serving on the Supreme Court. Thats why, as your
Congressman, Ill make sure that
a large quantity of nuclear waste has been
spilled on the interstate, and police are trying to
GIVE YOU SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR
ANYTHINGIT DOESNT EVEN HAVE TO BE A CAR!!! BRING US ROAD KILL!!! WE
DONT CARE!!! BRING US A CANTALOUPE-SIZE GOB OF EARWAX!!! BRING
huge creatures that WERE like winged snakes
EXCEPT they had great big suckers, which DID cometh and pulleth their limbs
FROM their sockets liketh thisPOPbut they WERE not
afraid, nay they WERE joyous, for they had
just heard 317 uninterrupted classic hits. And
Bill Doberman will shrink your swollen
membranes. Bill Doberman has
glowing crud strewn all over the road. Motorists
FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! WELL JUST GIVE
IT TO YOU!!! FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! WE HAVE A BRAIN DISORDER!!! WE HEAR VOICES
YES, and their eyeballs DID explode like party favors,
but they WERE NOT sorrowful, for they kneweth
Bill Doberman. Him good. Him heap strong.
finished playing 3814 classic hits with no
commercial interruptions, dating back to 1978, and now
we have unconfirmed reports that the radiation
cloud is spreading and that
liquefied brain parts did dribbleth OUT from
their nostrils, but they WERE not alarmed, for
when you hear the words Bill
Doberman, you will
Oh, never mind. Ill just hum.