Humor

Flayed Alive- A Review Of The Convergence Hotel Bathrooms

By Ruhiel

I arrived at the hotel hot, dirty, and tired. I immediately put down the bags and got ready for a long leisurely shower. I dig out some clean undies and clothes and head for the bathroom. The first thing that I notice is a little strip of paper on the toilet tank that says, "Have a shine on us." So I ask myself, "What on earth am I going to be shining on the potty?" (I remained clueless about this until someone explained that it was a shoe shine cloth. Then I start to wonder who is going to actually shine their shoes while doing their duty on the can. This one I still have no answer to.) I proceed to undress and climb in the shower. I got the water to an appropriately comfy temperature and soaped myself up. As soon as I was covered in lather and totally helpless, the water began to get hotter. And hotter. Soon the skin on my back is ready to fall off my body. I started frantically reaching for the knobs to turn down the hot water. As I'm leaning over, the water turns to ice. I scream. My nipples are suddenly poking out and I'm covered in goosebumps, flailing and trying desperately to turn the shower head away from my red and frozen body until I can get this water thing figured out. I finally get the water to a good level between boiling and ice (and still not quite right). I start to rinse out the shampoo. It happens again. Boil, freeze, repeat. I spent the rest of my time in the shower dodging the water while waiting for that happy medium to do the rest of the rinsing and washing that needs to be done. I came to the conclusion that the hotel owners decided to save money by buying their showers from Auschwitz. That's the only explanation I can come up with. With that in mind, I decide to shower only when necessary, and not for relaxation purposes. On the superficial side, the color scheme was kind of ugly and not terribly relaxing. And I never got to use the bottle opener on the counter. (I'm still trying to figure out who's going to be drinking on the toilet. While shining their shoes. The only name that came to mind is Ron. Go figure.)

(Looking forward to getting home for an hour long shower.)