Rants & Essays
Tarting For Beginners - Part 2
By Jennie Kermode
On with the show. Some of the topics covered in this episode
are rather specific. If you don't feel you're covered, look out for future
episodes in which you may find something more useful.
(5) Tarting According to Body Type
The art of tarting always requires a balance between getting
what you want and getting what you can. Some of you out there will want
anything with a pulse (or even without), in which case it's pretty
straightforward for you. Others will want to rule out certain personality
types, for instance, even if they find their physical exteriors appealing.
When posing during tarting, one should bear in mind not only
one's own personality and preferences, but also those (as best one can
determine) of one's target. One needs to observe _how_ one is looked at in
return. For instance, you may think your legs are your best feature, but
there's no point in showing them off when your target is busy staring at your
chest; in that instance, alter your pose to give your target more of what sie
actually seems to want, not just more of what you think sie should want. This
applies just as strongly to features which you may be shy about. You might
think, for instance, that your arms look unpleasantly fat, but if your target
is looking at them appreciatively then don't be paranoid about that -
understand that different people have different ideas about what's sexy.
It's also important to be aware of the archetypes which you
might fit into. Looking to some extent archetypal will usually attract much
more attention than looking ordinary, even if it's less directly flattering to
you. Especially in a crowded place, getting that initial attention can be half
the battle. If you can look striking silhouetted in a trenchcoat and trilby,
for instance, go with that - it's true that some people might prefer you if you
were little and cuddly, but where you don't know who you're aiming at, your
best chance is to look striking. People really do flock to that.
Of course, if you're really a little cuddly person, and wish
to filter out people who would want something different of you, then it's
better just to dress the way you feel.
A lot of people who are out vaguely looking for someone to
flirt with are distinctly interested in taking either an active or a passive
role in a relationship; this can extend to BDSM, but it applies in many other
situations too. It's worth adapting one's posing in accordance with this.
Observe your target and sie who else hir attention is attracted by. Observe the
body language given off by those people. Do they carry themselves tall, looking
confident and even slightly arrogant? Or do they behave in a more meek and
delicate way? If you wish to, you can adapt your own body language accordingly.
Don't let your physical shape deter you from this. A small, delicate person can
still look imperious and imposing if sufficiently determined. Sit high up where
possible, and look downwards, directly at your target. Keep your shoulders high
and firm, and don't fidget. A large, plump or muscular person can still look
vulnerable and/or slightly masochistic. Lean back a little where you're sitting
or standing to create a more passive, accessible aspect. Show off any more
fragile looking features (like wrists and ankles). Let yourself look slightly
dazed. People don't see you simply as a shape of flesh - they see a mixture of
the image determined by your physique and the image which you intentionally
project. If the latter signals are strong enough, the former becomes less
Never be ashamed of how you look or assume that people won't
like you because of it. Even if you seem to be quite opposite to that person's
type, successful tarting is still possible. Always carry yourself as if you are
very comfortable with your physique. There are numerous role models out there
for people of all different shapes and sizes. You may find them in other
cultures, but observe them closely, wherever you find them - see how they move
with confidence, and copy those moves until they happen so easily that you
don't have to think about it, until your body will do that even if your brain
is very nervous indeed.
If you're reading this, I assume that you have eyes. Eyes
are almost always attractive (and can be made more so with the right make-up);
so if you feel unsure about the rest of your body, concentrate on your eyes
first. Arrange the rest of your body around them, to make them appear more
prominent. Let any useful passive or dominant feelings be expressed through
your eyes directly. People's attention is usually drawn to eyes, so that once
you've captured them that way you don't need to bother so much about what they
might think of the rest of you.
(6) Lesbian Tarting in the Ladies' Toilets
This is one of our more specialist topics, but may also be
of use to transvestites and to men who, for whatever reason, are a regular
fixture in the ladies' toilets at their local pub/club to the point where
no-one thinks it's a big deal for them to be there.
I feel, sadly, that I am underqualified to write on the
subject of picking up men in men's toilets. If anyone else would volunteer to
undertake that topic, I should be delighted.
In most women's toilets there is an area outwith the stalls
where people hang about to wash hands, put on make-up etc. This is the most
useful area for tarting activities (though don't forget that the stalls in many
such places are full of lesbian graffiti whereby it's possible to arrange
private meetings). It's easy to hang about in the outside area, but don't spend
the whole time washing your hands - it gives the impression that you're just
about to leave, and no-one's going to waste energy flirting with you then. It's
better to spend awhile fiddling with make-up, especially if you look as if some
small detail keeps going wrong, and you come across as being annoyed about
that, but also amused; this attracts sympathy and makes you look approachable.
Other useful tricks include lacing up boots, especially
taller boots, and giving the impression that you're having difficulty doing it
yourself. Many women are glad to help in these instances, and it can bring you
into close physical contact. This is a good time for exchanging clothing
related or make-up and hair related compliments, and smiling at each other, and
taking it from there as described in previous episodes.
If you don't pull in a hurry, don't be afraid to hang
around. You may find a friend whom you can chat to while posing at passers by,
or you may be best advised to sit beside the sinks - up high where people going
to wash their hands will find their eyes drawn to your legs, groin or breasts,
depending on how you position yourself - and saying, if asked, that you're
waiting for a friend, or that you've had an argument with someone, or are too
hot, and are taking a break to cool down. If you look slightly bored, people
will often start talking to you.
Since you are in a single-sex environment, remember that it
is not unreasonable for you to do things like hitching up stockings within the
view of others. It's usually most effective to be slightly subtle here (i.e.:
don't just pull your top off) in order to avoid people turning away to be
(7) Tarting while Attached
This section is intended for people in non-monogamous
relationships (of various types), where tarting with others is allowed. If you
are looking for tips on how to cheat on your partner and get away with it, may
I please redirect you to the nearest railway line, where you might enjoy taking
Tarting while attached presents problems all of its own, on
more levels than the obvious (i.e.: when do you explain your situation to your
target, and how?) First of all, if you have another partner present whilst you
are working on your target, what do you do when that partner is visibly
affectionate with you? Many people will read this as a sign that they should
cease to take an interest in you, and this includes many people who are open to
getting involved in poly situations (to whatever degree), as it's still common
for them to assume that everyone else is monogamous.
The best way to explain a poly situation without making an
issue of it is to be seen being affectionate with more than one person (ideally
where those people can be seen to be able to see each other, so it doesn't look
like you're keeping one secret from another), or to drop it into conversation,
i.e.: "Have you seen [name of partner, description if necessary]? The last time
I noticed sie was snogging that guy over there; I don't mind, but sie has my
beer money." Demonstrating (where it is the case) that one's partner is
involved with other people tends to make people a lot more relaxed and
comfortable about flirting with you, especially if that aspect of the situation
is obviously not a big deal to you.
There are few pick-up lines on Earth that beat "My
girlfriend fancies you." (coming from a woman, and stressed so that the nature
of the 'girlfriend' relationship is clearly sexual); but be careful who you use
it on. While some people will jump at the chance (regardless of whether they
would fancy you otherwise), others will be quite intimidated. Most people
expect the average woman to be a little intimidated in this situation, but
don't forget that men, for all the myths, are often similarly nervous. If
you're picking someone up as a team, your chances of success are usually better
if you take it slowly and start with just casual conversation. Sitting on
either side of your target and occasionally reaching over to (casually) pet one
another, and smiling at each other a lot, is usually quite effective. Most
people will not run away from this because they'll enjoy the attention, even
just on a conversational level.
If your existing partner is of the opposite sex from you
then it is, naturally, harder to find people interested in threesomes, but it
is still possible. In any of these situations, though, you should work out
first what you will do if your target is only interested in one of you, so as
to avoid unpleasant feelings (and awkward discussions) between you in the event
of that happening.