The Mean Little ColumnWomen
By The Mean Little Man
you want a rant huh?
But I can't think what to rant about. Well Fansters, being
that the Mean Little Man is single once again how about we let fly on a
favorite topic of your bitter host.
What could it be?
I'll give you a guess...
What do I want to rant about today?
Or shall I say women in their mid-to-late 20s...
First off, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of
being tired and sickened of hearing that guys are commitment-phobic, shallow,
sloven, mouth-breathing, bottom-feeding, afraid of their emotions, closed off,
stoic. I've heard it all.
I find all that crap to be hip-deep in the hippo tank my
What seems to be the rallying cry of the young professional
woman these days? "I'm just looking to have fun." "I need to be independent."
What a load of crapolamotorola!
Is it just deep Mean Little Insight in saying that if you
read between the lines what I'm actually hearing is, "I don't want to make any
decision to be committed to you or anyone. I don't want to make a decision at
all, because if I make a decision I open myself up to the possibility to being
wrong and I cannot be wrong because I am a woman and I can do anything a man
can do because all my life I've been told that women can do anything a man can
do and that men will tell you otherwise because all they want to do is keep us
being unable to make decisions for ourselves so that we're dependant on them
and to keep us ignorant and unthinking and shallow so if I make a decision and
its the wrong one...you know, like, if I decide to go with you and then I meet
someone taller or more fashionable or better looking then I will have made a
Am I offending women out there? Sorry babe...but a large
number of the representatives of your sex that I have met have lead me to these
direct scientific Mean Little Observations.
Of course I am being a bit unfair since another translation
of "I'm just looking to have fun," "I need to be independent," could always be,
"If I commit to you I then am making the decision to be a responsible person
respectful and open to your feelings, which means that I can't live my life
allowing my decisions to be made by situation and impulse because what I do
will affect another person and if I do something that hurts them I'll be forced
to then break them down until they accept living in a relationship that
demoralizes them and trivializes their emotions and I couldn't respect them for
that and besides if I'm in a relationship I'll have to think of my life in a
light different than the next club, the next Saturday or the next impulse."
I'd love to meet a woman who doesn't think of rudeness as
independence or assertiveness. Someone that will tell you, "I really don't want
to go see that movie." BEFORE you take her to it.
But there's the rub. You don't have to compromise if you're
going to make a man feel like shit on a stick for not being a mind-reader.
But I guess that's the friggin' curse of being a 90's female
in their 20's. All through the 70's we had that fact that women can do anything
a man can do pounded into our heads every ten minutes in back to school
specials, guidance courses...all over the place. Every TV show pounded home,
"Mama I wanna go to college so I don't gotta need to stinkin' old man."
People need people. People need a little romance. It is a
basic part of being human.
But a woman needing a man seems to elicit this knee-jerk
psychological reaction from women that to need a man is to go back to being a
housewife, which is equivalent to a slave, and to be less than the ideal woman
of the modern era.
It seems that women equate the idea of need to being weak,
or to failing.
Isn't the dictionary definition of Feminism equal rights?
That ain't the accepted meaning though.
So what if its meaning is woman-centric?
Isn't the cornerstone of Feminism the idea that no choice
should be closed to women?
But feminists look down on a woman choosing to be a
homemaker as a failure, as ignorant or backward. That needing a man while not
making 6-figures is a failure?
Wanna know one of the main reasons I am so friggin' bitter?
I got sick of watching hot and smart women I knew/know continually go out with
meat headed idiots with good hair while simultaneously bitching in their
skivvies that they can't meet a sensitive, honest, passionate man. I used to
practically scream, "I'm right here!"
I'll be honest. In my bitterness I became a real SOB of a
boyfriend, date or booty-call. But I learned it all from you ladies!
So of course I got a little bitter. That isn't what women
really want. Lets be serious here. If sensitivity and intelligence happens to
also come in a hot bod its like a stocking at Christmas...but I can't think of
a sane woman who has poetry and trigonometry at the top of their list of Things
that Make Me Wet. It might be on there. Might even make the top 10. But it
ain't numero uno baby-cakes!
So I guess you have achieved equality. You get to be just as
shallow as every guy. You get to make your first judgment by what his chino's
are showing and not his published works.
So more power to ya! But I'll make you a deal. The next guy
you meet that you like, but that just isn't hot enough, be honest with him and
yourself and quit the, "I'm a deep martyr still seeking my Holden Caufield"
routine. Let them know that you just don't find them physically attractive. He
may say, "Good because your butt is too flat and you're boobs are too small,"
but at least we'll know exactly where we all stand!
And then we can stop wasting time weeding through the
bullshit and more quickly find the people that are on the same wavelength as we
I'll lay it on the table for you. This is what I like:
fit (hey, I'm an on-the-go guy. So many to
offend, so little time.)
able to be honest with themselves
a love of the outdoors
a geekish side is cool
someone who like base and then hockey over football
(You don't gotta do makeup for an hour to go to the beach. A ballcap will do.)
knows what fork to use
thinks my bullshit is cute
Is that too much to ask? Obviously it is.
If you want to write me a let me know how much of an asshole
I am for writing such an offensive piece feel free. email@example.com.
Feel free to send any bikini pics from the shore last year when you do!
Hugs and Smooches!,
The Mean Little Man on 4-20-2000.
For music, yelling, spiked hair and strange dress,
visit The Mean Little Man at his official shrine on the web! (www.meanlittleman.com)